Perfectionism-4
“Christ in the Land Bountiful,” by Simon Dewey. 2025 by Intellectual Reserve, Inc. All rights reserved.This story appears here courtesy of TheChurchNews.com. It is not for use by other media.
Editor’s note: This is part four of a four-part series on recent research related to toxic perfectionism. Part one on “Latter-day Saints'’unique outlook” is here. Part two “The role of grace” is here. Part three on “How understanding the gospel of Jesus Christ is a step toward healing” is here.
Researchers at Brigham Young University have found that religious belief and toxic perfectionism can have profound impacts on each other. For members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, there were actually lower rates of toxic perfectionism compared to those studied who had no religious observance.
Debra Theabold McClendon is a clinical psychologist who joined professors at BYU in writing about the impacts of toxic perfectionism in the December issue of BYU Studies. McClendon focused her writing on the both gospel and clinical approaches that can help a person heal from toxic perfectionism.
This article covers the clinical approaches; part three of this series covered the gospel approaches, focused on the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
Clinical Perspectives
Those struggling with toxic perfectionism may have a number of distortions in their thinking processes, McClendon said. These distortions could include:
- Dichotomous (black-and-white) thinking: Viewing the world in extremes with no room for gray areas.
- Selective attention: Ignoring any positive aspects of self or of one’s performance.
- Double standards: Holding one set of standards that applies to oneself and more lenient standards for others.
- Overgeneralizing: Extending a single mistake to other areas of one’s life, usually used in a pattern of defeat.
- “Should” language: Using “should,” “must” and “ought” as self-criticism and as a way to guard against poor performance.
McClendon defined these as “thinking errors” often biased towards negativity.
“We all do it, not just those with perfectionism,” she said, adding that the more a person repeats an inaccurate, negative thought, “the more we deteriorate and spiral down emotionally.”
Treatment Strategies
The strategies McClendon recommends follow what’s called “cognitive behavioral therapy.” The goal is to identify and challenge distorted thoughts using several techniques.
The first technique McClendon pointed to is socratic questioning. This involves examining how valid a certain thought may be by asking oneself questions like “is it fair to have harsher rules for myself than for others?” and “what would I say to a friend in this situation?”
“‘Is this really consistent with the way you would treat a loved one?’ posed McClendon. ”And if not, maybe there needs to be some correction there.”
Another technique McClendon recommends is creating a “responsibility pie chart.” As an example, one of McClendon’s clients used the responsibility pie chart to deal with her unhealthy perfectionism around a daughter’s estrangement from the family.
“Her unhealthy perfectionism convinced her that she was simply a failure as a mother because she hadn’t always done everything perfectly,” McClendon wrote in the BYU Studies Quarterly.
After creating a responsibility pie chart, McClendon’s client was able to think more broadly and realistically about the issue. Instead of 100% of the chart being the mother’s mistakes, it was broken down into pieces, including several of the daughter’s own choices.
“Now there’s some emotional relief and freedom,” McClendon said. “And she’s starting to have more self-compassion.”
Another of McClendon’s favorite interventions is having clients create a “thought chart.”
In the first box of the chart, a person will record what has triggered their feelings of unhealthy perfectionism (example: missing points on an exam).
In the second box, they write what thoughts or beliefs popped up with these feelings (example: feeling dumb or like they’ll never succeed).
The third box represents the consequences caused by those thoughts (example: crying, ruminating, isolating oneself).
In the fourth box, the person will dispute the assumptions they made (example: missing points on an exam does not constitute a failing grade). This helps the person go contrary to their regular thought patterns.
Next, the person will write what they’ve learned from disputing these beliefs (example: making mistakes is OK) and then what new feelings arise (example: flexibility, confidence, honesty).
The last part asks the person to consider what they will do going forward on this issue (example: keep trying, view imperfections as a gift).
“It’s a nice problem solving strategy,” McClendon said. “But I don’t do it only for problem solving to feel better about a certain content issue. The main reason I do it is to create that flexibility in the thinking to say, ‘Can I look at this from some other angles? Why am I maybe not looking at this in the healthiest way?’”
Moving Forward
For someone struggling with toxic perfectionism, many of the techniques McClendon recommends can be done on one’s own or with the help of Church leaders, friends and family. But she stresses that a mental health professional can also help with specific techniques and interventions.
“There’s absolute hope,” McClendon said. “Lives change as they pursue getting healthier with their thinking patterns.”
Copyright 2025 Deseret News Publishing Company.